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The current period marks a full decade since the phrase “vanishing” entered the public consciousness. Back then, the concept that someone could abruptly cease communication with a partner without any notice seemed like the peak of rudeness. Our innocence was charming. In the decade since, finding a mate has only become more perplexing – an frequently pointless exercise in awkwardness that is increasingly shaped by social media jargon.

Generation Z, a generation who grew up during a loneliness epidemic, a male identity crisis, and a concerted assault on the rights of women and the LGBTQ+ community, faces a significantly more chaotic environment than their Gen Y forerunners could ever imagine. And so their dating glossary has grown more elaborate and more unhinged, with expressions like “Shrekking” and “vine swinging” testing the boundaries of your mental fortitude.

The following list is a detailed guide to the phrases gen Z is using to navigate romance, sex and the pursuit of both. To echo one of the year’s most viral online sayings, by the conclusion of this list you’ll long to get back to simpler times – because wherever that is, it lacks “ideological catfishing”.

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The Letter A

Genuineness – In the view of gen Z, dating’s gold standard is showing up as your real, unfiltered self. Best wishes with that!

B

Bird theory – A social media test connected to a methodology developed by relationship scientists, in which you bring up something insignificant – for example, “I saw a bird today” – and note whether your date's response is interested or disinterested. If they show no desire to hear more about the bird, you two are doomed.

Mysterious girlfriend – Zoomers' answer to the “quirky fantasy girl” archetype of the early 2000s – but instead of having short fringe, liking indie music and eschewing commitment, the mysterious partner puts herself first while exuding enigma and independence. (She might still have baby bangs.)

C

Support test – This means choosing someone who helps you unprompted. If you entered a room, they would pull up a chair for you to take a load off.

Choremance – A meet-up where two people bond while doing chores, such as pet care or grocery shopping. In other words, how financially strained twentysomethings do low-cost dating in a post-“$5 beer and shot combo” world.

Crashing out – Having a breakdown when you feel burdened by life. You can spiral over a infatuation or split, venting all of your (unrequited) feelings.

D

DINK – Two incomes, no children. Once a signifier of 1980s yuppie affluence, it describes pairs who choose against parenthood to focus on their own happiness. Or because they cannot afford to become parents.

E

Emotional vibe coding – The antithesis of acting aloof: practicing communication, honesty and openness.

The Letter F

Indicators

• Warning signs – Behavioral habits suggesting a prospective partner is bad news. Examples include calling their exes unstable, subpar tipping habits, a love of controversial director films, a burgeoning DJ career …
• Green flags – These actions confirm your choice to pursue a partner. Examples include checking in to make sure you got home safe after a date, low phone use, having a proper bed …
• Neutral quirks – These usually describe niche, largely harmless idiosyncrasies. Examples include being an enthusiastic ornithologist, still keeping a biro in their wallet, paying rent in physical money …

Niche bonding – When you find someone who’s just as enthusiastic about films about the second world war or DVD collecting or art or anything it may be, as you. Or, on the flip side, meeting someone who despises the same things or people that you do (few things builds intimacy faster than sharing a common enemy).

G

The band Geese – A musical group many young men is into.

Ghostlighting – Someone who reappears into your life after a length of silence.

Eager-to-please partner – Someone who is friendly, eager to please and loyal. The rare boyfriend who is liked by all of his partner’s friends, and a mysterious partner's opposite.

Prolonged session enthusiasts – A mostly online subculture of men so preoccupied with masturbation that they attempt extended sessions, purposefully postponing orgasm so they can go on as long as possible.

The Letter H

Gloomy heterosexuality – A phenomenon describing many women’s increasing despair toward heterosexual relationships. It will come as no surprise to anyone who read the above entry.

High-value woman – An stereotype touted by manosphere figures: a woman who is sexually desirable, ever-comforting and happily domestic, who seemingly has no ambitions of her own other than pleasing her man partner. Maybe now you’re beginning to understand the whole “heterofatalism” thing better?

I

Ick factors – Arbitrary and usually everyday turnoffs that immediately extinguish any sense of interest.

“If he wanted to, he would" – Something to tell yourself after you watch someone else get an incredibly sweet display.

J

Jobs – These have not been this important in the romance landscape since the greed-is-good era. For some women, a “finance bro” is the ideal partner: a fleece-vest-wearing, Republican-coded guy who will provide (there’s a hit TikTok audio on the topic). Meanwhile the anti-capitalist crowd opt for partners in fields they believe are being staffed by the more caring among us: healthcare workers, educators or counselors.

K

Locking lips – This year, researchers learned that the kiss has been around for 16 million years. But the era of kissing may be waning since some Zoomers prefer fewer intimate scenes in movies, as they are having less sex themselves and do not find onscreen intimacy authentic.

Enhanced profile crafting – Slight exaggeration. Or, not exactly lying about who you are, but maybe using older (better) pictures of yourself on a dating app profile, or making your career sound more impressive than it is. Also known as {