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The Prosecution: One Friend's Perspective

Sometimes she films me while I’m eating. I’ll see myself on her social media – it’s like a sudden shock.

My best friend of a decade, Marielle, labels herself the “content queen”. It can be amusing for a bit, but it strains our relationship.

Being highly outgoing, there's a constant urge the need to document everything all the time. During meals out, her motto is, “The phone eats first,” and snaps pictures with the flash on, which induces embarrassment. It's unpleasant when other people see her posing or filming – I get vicarious awkwardness. Another annoyance is because the food gets cold.

She isn’t exactly an influencer yet, but she is trying to be. She creates video blogs about city life, her daily routine, and her work as a stylist. The material is quality, credit where it's due, but I prefer not to be dragged into it. On occasion she films me while I’m eating, or simply tagging along. Later, I appear on her Instagram later, and it pops up like a surprise: I’ll have bare-faced, an awkward face or photographed while eating. It feels invasive.

Marielle also expects me to record her at inopportune moments. Often I’ll be talking to someone else, or we're simply hanging out in the street. The dynamic feels like our friendship has transformed into me being her free crew. She could easily hire someone if she wanted high-quality content. Upon mentioning my unease about the situation, she brushed it off. I've been invited to several industry functions, which was nice, but that doesn't compensate for all the energy I invest helping her create material.

I’m grateful that she has helped me with my career in design, but I resist our connection to become merely a tally of exchanges. I don't believe she's insincere or dishonest, but at times I feel that if the camera is out, we will start performing in a way that makes us look good for her channel.

She will say, “Alright, smile for the camera!” and film me laughing with someone. It’s so silly. It's crucial her to understand that our 10-year friendship still has limits. I love spending time with her, but I also desire to enjoy it without being filmed, edited, or shared for an audience. I’m not a accessory for her Instagram.

The Defence: Marielle

I want my friend to see that the content we produce together can get us an opportunity.

I love creating videos. It’s not just a pastime; it’s part of who I am. Creating videos and sharing my life online allows me to express myself and connect with people in new ways.

I wouldn't label myself as a professional creator yet, but it's savvy to generate income from your interests. I admire people on social platforms who pull off that style of informal, self-made content creation.

Creating content is my version of living actively: noticing the nuances, sharing them with an audience that appreciates the art behind it. I never intend to make Beth uncomfortable. Taking her to professional gatherings was my way of offering access, giving her a chance to experience exclusive moments that could help her professional path too. That isn't blackmail, it's simply being pragmatic.

I’d still take her to such functions even if she didn’t help me, but I want her to see what the content we create together can achieve: an opening. I know not all people likes being on camera, but often spontaneity is what makes content authentic. Being recorded from time to time is an inherent aspect of being my friend. I would delete anything she requested, but she has never asked yet.

I don't demand anybody to be my personal videographer, but friends support one another in minor capacities. I thought filming a clip here or there would be fun for Beth. Creativity thrives in partnership, and having my friend around makes projects lively and enjoyable. I never force her to participate in anything, and I would never intentionally embarrass her. But filming together sometimes is part of how I record our time together.

I cherish our friendship deeply and want to avoid content creation to drive a wedge between us. I am ready to compromise: like requesting permission before recording, and steering clear of angles that might make her self-conscious.

This isn’t about power, it's regarding expressing my perspective while still respecting hers. Obviously content creation is not a substitute for genuine friendship: it's merely part of how I live my life and I want her to be included in a way that’s agreeable for each of us.

The Jury: Reader Opinions

Is it right for her to stop filming herself and her friend when they are socializing?

Nothing is more uncomfortable than having a friend point a camera at you. I understand that it's her job, but I don’t make friends come to my workplace. Perhaps she can find influencer friends to create content with. With the dark, looming future of technology, personal relationships are the only thing we have – cherish them!
A respondent, 25

When pursuing something as a career, it's unfair to expect your friends for assistance repeatedly, even if they have done it before. While she enjoys creating, that doesn’t mean all those around her is willing material. She needs to honor her friend's personal space.
Ankit, 26

Marielle might love making content and displaying her life publicly, but it isn't for everybody. It’s nice she has assisted Beth’s career, but she needs to hear what Beth wants.
A commenter, 27

It sounds like you care about each other, so hold on to that and make sure it’s the priority in your relationship. Create some real experiences, where true emotions are stored, not digital scrapbooks. In fact, public figures who seem to share their worlds actually have more secrecy than it seems.
One opinion, 53

She seems to be neither present nor genuine when she’s with Beth – she's on the job. Each appears unsure as to where the line is. The answer is not found in trying to change one another, but in each establishing defined boundaries around what feels acceptable to them and seeing if there is an mutually agreeable middle ground.
Barbara, 71

Your Turn to Be the Judge

Consider this question: is Marielle exploiting their bond?